I didn’t want to add further fuel to the media bonfire at the peak of his notoriety in mid January by writing about him in my blog or in this newsletter. Enough volumes were devoted to him at the time. But it was worth reflecting on the whole bizarre episode that certainly touched a raw community nerve.
Was this event a blip on the social radar? After all, it was school holiday time and kids will be kids. I am not so sure. “Coreygate” was an incident just waiting to happen. He, his mates and the other players in this event are products of their times.
There were five alarming aspects that demonstrate there has been a significant community and generational shift in attitudes and behaviour.
NO.1: The fact that 500 kids came to a party in a suburban street is absolutely scary. Close your eyes and picture that number of young people gathering outside your home around midnight. This generation of kids are so highly connected to each other that they can garner a massive crowd in no time with little effort. Communication technology and modern social networking websites now mean that every small gathering is a potential block party.
NO.2: These 16 year olds showed no respect for private or public property as well as the police. It is too easy to blame alcohol or the ‘gang’ factor for this. Mark Twain, declared in Huck Finn, that there is nothing so brainless as a mob. Let’s not forget that much of the behaviour bordered on criminal. The mob factor is a poor excuse.
NO. 3: The instant notoriety party boy Corey received was astonishing. World-wide news coverage was one thing, but the hero-worship he received was another. Depending on your age and viewpoint he was declared a ‘moron’ and, alternatively a ‘legend’. The fact that bad news now makes good news makes it smart for some kids with not a lot going for them to be bad. What a pay-off this young person got for moronic behaviour!
NO.4: The Paris Hilton factor, where bad behaviour is suddenly a saleable commodity, was more than evident. Celebrity agent Max Markson is making Corey a seemingly small fortune (if media reports are correct) to host similar parties. Never have parents raised kids in such a context where nothing is off-limits and young people’s long term best interests are less important than commercial interests.
NO.5: The empathy that went out to Corey’s parents was amazing. They appeared on TV and they seemed, well, normal. Like you and I. “There by the grace of God go I” was the general feeling. The strength of this empathy reflects a type of powerlessness than many parents feel as they wonder how to avoid raising their own ‘Corey’.
This last point touches on perhaps the most pertinent issue. Is our current parenting so poor that we run the danger of raising a generation of Corey’s who show little respect for others and who are, in effect, caricatures of some of the less-than-smart celebrities going around. Alternatively, are Corey and his mates simply ‘works-in-progress’ and just showing that they have some maturing still to do. The ‘smarts’ and ‘responsibility’ genes will kick in eventually surely!
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18 comments:
Hi Michael. I have been reading and enjoying your parenting ideas for many years now. This is the first time I have been disappointed by your comments. Firstly, I am not someone who reads the paper, watches the news or current affairs or listens to the radio. This is all for a good purpose and that is to shield myself and my children from the negativity of the media. By reading your article it appears I am on the right path! Whilst I got the gist of the event from your writing I was disappointed that there was no real constructive comment by you, rather just a lengthy commentary on the sad state of affairs of our society and media. It left me feeling sad and powerless and that is so opposite to how your articles usually leave me feeling. You have always had a great way of making me feel validated as a parent and supported with some ideas to help along the way for life's challenges. I normally do not comment on blogs, etc but couldn't help myself this time as I hoped the feedback might be helpful.Keep going with your wonderful ideas to inspire parents to be better and appreciate what positives we have in our children and leave the negative commentary to the media. Thanks :)
Hi Michael.
of course this was an incident waiting to happen, & there will be many more, and I am sure that there are those that don't get reported to the media because they are not of the same scale. The commercialism of our culture has exploited our kids and left them with few values. When you see 2,3,& 4 year olds walking around in T-shirts that read
"it's all about me, me, me"
what do we expect them to grow up like. Role models on Tv are also a huge part of this. I can guarantee that if your children watch a few episodes of little house on the prarie you will see an instant level of respect from them.
I really feel we need to start to educate our children about the greater good as a whole & stop focusing on the selfish needs of the individual. This is what all great societies are based on & Australia has been built on this philosophy.
Toula
Sadly the media seems to glorify disgraceful behaviour while the general public indulge the publicity. Where is the media when youngsters are doing fabulous things within their communities, charity work etc - nowhere to be found. I can't help but think that if the world craved positivity from our youth (through the media) then more of the same behaviours would follow. It is a sad world we live in when us as parents cannot/will not are too 'afraid' to stand our ground and demand respect and appropriate behaviour. Fortunatley we have Michael to help raise awareness and confidence that is so desperately needed in the parents of youth of today
As a paramedic, I see this sort of behaviour all the time and it worries me that we will, one day, be at the mercy of Gen Y if they carry their disrespect and lack of responsibility into adulthood. As a parent, I have hope my own (and many like minded parents)insistence on my children understanding consequences and accepting responsibility for their behaviour is producing some wonderful adults. Still, even in the one home, one child works hard and is commited to achieving their aspirations whilst the other frustrates me no end with typical Gen Y behaviours and attitudes.
While I recognise, from my own experience that parental influence and guidance can often be ignored in favour of peers, I do wonder how responsible it was of Corey's parents to leave him behind on holiday. I'm pretty sure his bratiness and ridiculous appearance weren't an overnight thing.
Like many parents, I was appalled at the rise to stardom of Corey. When I heard that he now has an agent, I felt sick. I assume (and please correct me if this is an incorrect assumption), that at his age, his parents had to sign permission for him to join this idiotic crusade around the country. When they could have stood up in front of the country and reminded everyone that this is unacceptable behaviour, it seems they are congratulating and rewarding him for it.
My husband and I are fairly new immigrants to Australia and we really hope that this is not a reflection of the majority of parents' feelings in this country. We have three sons of our own, and it has been very hard explaining to them how the violence of last month's news headlines has brought about a new 'hero'.
Surely we could start up a public campaign or petition of those parents who WOULD be angry and disappointed if our children organised a party while we were away; and who are attempting to teach our children moderation in use of the internet i.e. don't tell the WHOLE WORLD when your parents are away and you are having a party!!
I read your comments with much interest (I had attempted to avoid the media hype..).What off his parents? This guy was not made like so in just a weekend. He would have had such tendencies - surely!! Why would his parents leave him to his own devices?? In my view this is not responsible and I may be critical but every parent should consider this for fear of raising such a kid. Kids learn from their parents right? As for the rest, the media must bear some responsibility - why put a 16 year old in the spotlight as this current affairs show did - followed by the rest wishing to cash in. It's a sad state of affairs when we allow our children to be used and lead in such ways.
Yes, Corey's good at networking. Yes, he was a dope. Yes, I agree with you entirely. However, it didn't need the Victoria Police Dog Squad and Helicopter Air Wing to sort things out. YOU wouldn't get that much attention if you were being murdered! I'm surprised the Special Operations Group weren't sent in. I didn't like the bullying Police attitude of, "We'll get him for something, it doesn't matter what". And they did.
I so agree with your article on the Brat Factor, Michael.
We have four young children, aged between 10 and 4. Life is full and hectic as you may imagine, but i am often astonished as to how little thought, some parents give to parenting. We do feel like we are the odd ones out who put thought into Discipline Strategies, how to love our kids and are endeavoring to raise independant adults who will show others respect and be "pillars of the community" to use that phrase! We do employ alot of the strategies that you write on! Wishing sometimes that there was a crystal ball to see if our hard work, and prayers (!!) work!
Reading your Happy Kids articles is like a breath of fresh air!
Just so astonished that the Corey "party" actually occured - what of theother 500 parents? Unfortunately, with all the attention, both negative and positive, no doubt, we will see more of these events in the future, as teenagers compete to get some attention as Corey did!
Mum of four_Sydney
I sometimes feel concerned that my children will "go off the rails" or "do a corey". But then I think rationally and remember that I do say "No" regularly, and my children do not get everything they ask for, nor do they get away with disrespect. Still crazily enough they are happy and love the boundaries I create. There are consequences in the world I create for them. Honestly I belive this was not the case for Corey and sadly the majority of children today.
Point No 5 - the phrase you need is "There, but for the grace of God, go I."
It was a little insane the amount of publicity he got and then they tried to physically make him take off his glasses - he could sue them for assault! How bizarre it all was!
I am a parent of 3 boys and 1 girl aged between 15 and 22. We own our own business and I have been fortunate to be able to do the bookwork required from home enabling me to be a stay at home Mum.
We have always had dinner together (if everyone is home)and are around at times when someone is in the mood for a chat....but who knows when that is!? Not something I could ever plan.
When renovating our house we built a large self-contained room above the garage which has TV/Billiard table and a lot of bedding...basically a bit of privacy. Over the years it has been well used by the children and their friends.Other parents have thanked us for our room as they felt happy that after parties their children won't drive as they can all get in a taxi to one place. But even without the room we have now we have always had the children's friends stay and come on holidays with us.
Also as a consequence we have been able to get to know the people our children are mixing with and they get to know us. When having parties the only trouble we have ever had has been with people trying to gatecrash and a couple of people who were not well known to our children. (ie same school different campus). We have noticed that at times our children's friends have come to regard our home and us as 'theirs' and have felt quite comfortable in evicting any troublemakers!
Having teenagers (these days) takes a tremendous amount of work....not just the physical but the emotional and mental effort is enormous.
Obviously because of computers and the media their social experiences are far more involved and detailed than they were for me as a teenager or young adult. Instead of wondering what someone might be thinking they only have to look at Facebook or Myspace to find that out.
I do think they have a lot more to contend with, with less parental guidance than I did as a young person.
Speaking to other parents...there are still the rigid parents and the ones who give too much freedom..I find it also amazing how naive a lot of parents are...and how many think that their child would never do anything wrong!
Try to be realistic.
Our children certainly don't tell us everything but every now and then a little bit of information drops...believe me they are up to tricks at times.
We try to never overreact when something is mentioned (or they will never tell us anything again)but certainly they are told when something is not acceptable....all part of being a parent I guess! It's not easy!
(My children's reaction to Corey was that he was pretty funny. My 17 year old son thought Corey didn't realize that a lot of people were laughing at him not with him. They did wonder why anyone thought that he was thought worthy of holding a great party...especially when he kept saying he was inside all night and not involved)
Hi Michael,
I don't know why the teenagers of today have no respect, but I think I do agree with the 'mob mentality' idea. Because of the internet kids don't even need to be physically together to create a mob, idea sharing can all happen in cyber space, where kids can be famous for doing ridiculus things and post them on video sharing sites etc. I think people love to watch people, especially when things go bad. Reality television shows are making a lot of money out of this. So I think that's where people like corey can find fame. It seemed the worse it looked for him, the more interested people got. Celebrities like Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan are perfect expamples of this. They seem to be more famous for the drugs they take and the amount of times they are arrested than for their music or acting skills. Sadly they are both really talented and could be fantastic role models, but everythings else in their lives is over shadowed becasue people seem so fasinated by the bad things that happen to them. And unfortunately it all makes it seem acceptable to the kids who buy the magazines and watch is all unfold.
Hi Michael,
Just for the record, reflection is a powerful tool and it gives readers the chance to digest the information and form their own opinions and ideas on how to deal with it! Negativity is unfortunately a product of this society. It is better to reflect and discuss, so that you can come up with something positive, instead of hiding your head in the sand! On the Corey issue, you have hit the nail on the head. Many of our younger generation and their parents (generalisation- there are exceptions to the rule!) have no sense of responsibility or of facing the consequences of their actions. In some cases, not having to have any consequences because they are not put in place by parents and appropriate authority figures! I was a teenager and I didn't always make the right decisions. (A part of the learning curve of life.) There was always a consequence for my actions that made me think twice about it. My parents were not authoritarian, they were authoritive and I respected them. Most of the kids of today don't respect themselves, others, authority or property. I see it daily on the streets, in friends homes and in schools!It is a sad indictment of our society.
Things will only change if parents are open to positive parenting skills and they are given support by schools, etc and give schools their support, instead of making making excuses for their students, so they don't have to face the consequences!
With Privilege comes Rights and Responsibilities.
With Rights and Responsibilities comes Privilege. We need kids to understand what that means. For every action there is a reaction. A positive action means a positive reaction. A negative action should result in a negative reaction or consequence. This does not happen with any consistency!
Keep up the great work, I look forward to hearing some ideas on how we might go about changing things in a positive way because you always do!!
What a perfect summary of the situation!!
I am very much looking forward to you "solution" next week :-) YP
I cannot believe that parents actually let their kids go to parties of "friends" without finding out who what why etc. Maybe I will eventually come up against all of this at some stage but I don't think I will let any of my children, when they are 16, go to a party unless I know the who what and why!! Monkey is as monkey does.
I agree with the 2 anonymous posts and I quote....
I was disappointed that there was no real constructive comment by you, rather just a lengthy commentary on the sad state of affairs of our society and media....
and
What a perfect summary of the situation!!
I am very much looking forward to you "solution" next week
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