work and teenagers

 

Teenagers today work twice as much as their counterparts of twenty years ago – part-time work that is. Many industries, including the fast food industries and large super market chains rely heavily on relatively cheap, casualised labour that adolescents offer. Teenagers also have real spending power. They have enough financial clout to bring whole industries down and build new ones. It is teenagers who leading the charge towards downloading music online, which means the imminent death of the CD and the rise of the MP3 player.

 

Work is good for teenagers. It teaches them about responsibility, money management, discipline, teamwork, leadership and tedium too. Awful jobs can be great antidotes to those complaints about the irrelevance of school.

 

What comes first?

 

The key to part-time work is the maintenance of balance between school, work, family commitments and leisure commitments. It seems that 12-13 hours a week is the maximum kids can work and still do well at school and other areas of their lives. Anything above this on a regular basis can take its toll.

 

What should their money go toward?

 

Part-time work means one thing – greater independence and autonomy over their lives. It also means that parents provide less for their young person’s leisure and clothing expenditure than they may have in the past.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Invite kids to behave well

 

If kids are poorly behaved when they go out and are a hassle when you want to leave the function then sit down with them before they leave and enlist their help. Before you go out explain what will happen when you leave and explain what it means to you when they behave poorly.

 

The point of the exercise is giving kids the opportunity to help you by behaving well. Sometimes cooperation needs to be invited.

For more ideas to raise well-behaved kids visit www.parentingideas.com.au .

 

 

 

 

 

 

Keep asking teenagers questions

If your teenager wants to go to a party, sleepover or gathering and you are uncertain if it is safe and appropriate then start asking questions:

 

Where is it? Who will be there? What is it for? What time will it begin/end?

 

If you are still unsure if it is safe and appropriate then continue asking questions:

 

Will there be adults there? Will there be alcohol? What will happen if something goes wrong?

 

You may be convinced that it is okay for your young person and you may actually convince your young person that it is not appropriate for them. Whatever way it goes asking questions gives you information and helps your young person access the appropriateness of the party or gathering. I have known in some circumstances for teenagers to be so worn down by the questions that they give in and don’t bother going – sort of like pester power in reverse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sibling fighting - When should parents intervene

Sibling fighting tends to come with the parenting territory. It is born from rivalry or competitiveness between siblings and shows itself through mindless arguments, noisy squabbles, physical means, verbal put-downs and even long silences.

 

It is always a difficult call to know when to intervene in children’s disputes. Do I ignore the squabble or do I become involved?  Good question. Bear it (if you are a saint you maybe able to ignore it), Beat it (go elsewhere when they fight) and Boot them out (noisy disputes are best settled outside) come from the let-them-work-it-out-themselves school of thought. There is a time and place for this approach. With young children you do need to give them some opportunity to work things out themselves.

 

But kids have L plates on when it comes to resolving conflict with their siblings. They can learn better ways of resolving conflict than resorting to reflexive means such as hitting, shouting and generally playing the person rather than the “ball”. There are times to intervene when there is a dispute. The key is to get in early before the dispute escalates into World War III.

 

When you do intervene be more concerned about solving the problem (is it about space, possessions or infringement of personal rights) than trying to work out who started the dispute. Don’t be the umpire or the judge – attempt to be the peacemaker. Bt even peacemakers have to get tough and send both parties to their bunkers (bedrooms) to cool off.

 

Here are some simple strategies you may use to help young children resolve their own disputes :

 

► Distract them when they hurt someone.

 

If an infant hits a sibling give them a hammer and pegboard saying, “We hit the pegboard, not people.”

 

► Redirect them when they hurt someone.

 

If a sibling is watching TV and a child interferes with him or her you can say “John is watching TV at the moment. You can do a drawing while you are waiting for him.”

 

► Explain the consequences when they hurt someone. 

 

Sometimes young children learn from experience but adults need to explain or make a connection. You can say “The reason Peter hurt you was that you made him angry by taking his cars.”

 

► Help your child see his or her place in the fight, problem or dispute. Sometimes they are conveniently blind to their own involvement.

 

►Remove your child if he hurts others. Let him or her know that hurting others is inappropriate and place them in a quiet spot to reinforce this. Be firm if children are hurtful to each other.

 

► Give them some simple ideas about how to handle the problem. Simple suggestions such as “Ignore him when he whines.” “Go to your bedroom if your little sister annoys you.”  “ Have you asked your brother to stop taking your toys?”

 

► Recognise their efforts to resolve conflict cooperatively. “That was great to see you share your toy with Alex?”

 

►If in doubt, try timeout. Some time in bedrooms can calm kids down and give everyone some breathing space.

 

It is better in the long run to focus on restoring relationships rather than taking a punitive approach when young children fight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Super Nanny is a parent hazard

I am astonished at the impact that that Jo Frost, TV’s Super Nanny was having on parents of young children. A quick show of hands at any of my presentations for parents of young children indicates that one out of every two parents has watched the show at least enough to be familiar with her behaviour management methods, in particular the infamous naughty chair.

 

Just how parents can get their kids to the naughty chair and keep them there seems to be a new parenting challenge. Should they be in the naughty chair for one minute every year of their age or should they leave it when they decide? is the question on the lips of many mums and dads.

 

Super Nanny is the modern parents’ dream because she is the bad cop that many mothers and fathers cannot and won’t be. She is the parent who stands firm and asserts herself. She is the parent who takes no prisoners and who at the end of the program can still get a kiss and cuddle from the children she has tamed.

 

It could be argued that Super Nanny is meeting a genuine need and that she is educating parents who certainly need some help in essential child-rearing methods.

 

But I am not sure Super Nanny is doing parents or children a favour in the long term. In an era when the community at large is intolerant of children what we don’t need is a program that primarily portrays kids as pests that need to be corralled, tied down and tamed.

 

Parents aren’t exactly shown in a positive light either. In nearly every episode parents are portrayed as likeable yet gormless dolts who devoid of behaviour management skills are victims of their wretched children’s behaviour.

 

Super Nanny is also narrowing our definition of effective parenting to being little more than pest control. The ability to get some cooperation from kids is a basis of effective parenting, however it is just one aspect of the child-rearing puzzle. The ability to promote confidence, resilience and build strong relationships are all essential aspects of effective parenting that spring to mind.

 

Super Nanny has an instructional element but first and foremost, it is entertainment. It is not representative of children, parents and family-life today. Bring me your worst and I will tame them is the theme of Super Nanny. Each show presents a new and more grotesque twist on the kids-gone-rampant theme bringing increasingly greater challenges for Super Nanny.

 

It is fast becoming a freak show and many parents just can’t wait to get their Super Nanny fix. But then It’s cathartic to observe just how awful other people’s children can be. It makes us all feel a hell of lot better to see children that are worse than our own. I call that therapy, not education.

 

For more information about effective parenting visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au

 

 

 

 

 

Fussy eaters - toddlers

Young eaters can frustrate the hell out of parents, particularly if we come from a three meals a day type family. There is an old saying: “Its not what we eat, but what we digest that makes us grow.” Kids vary, appetites vary but we as parents tend to be pretty constant with our concern about food intake- both the quantity and quality of the food kids eat. Toddlers are experimenting with taste and often graze, but they won’t starve themselves.

 

Here are some ideas you may consider if you have a young fussy eater:

 

• Let young children feed themselves. They are tactile and it is hit and miss but they generally find it enjoyable. Mix up the textures as well as the tastes.
• Provide plenty of healthy snacks foods – raw carrot, fruit, cheese and sandwiches available. It takes pressure off meal-time. Resist adding sugary stuff to entice them to eat. You may find that this becomes the only way you can get her to eat.
• Keep helpings small and varied. Better to give a little more later than have food left over.
• Be unconcerned about how much she doesn’t eat. Kids pick up very early that their parents are more concerned about an issue than they are and then they get you every time by refusing to eat.
• Present food in fun ways by arranging cheese, cabana, carrot sticks and other food to make smiley faces, spaceships or people

 

Be fun but business-like at mealtimes. Refuse to nag, fight or count how many mouthfuls she has had. When sufficient time has passed for her to eat then take the food away and move on, regardless of whether she has finished or not. Your job is to provide healthy food and your daughter’s job is to eat. Don’t confuse the two.

 

For more ideas about dealing with fussy eaters and other frustrating behaviours visit www.parentingideas.com.au

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Perfectionists are hard to live with

Perfectionists are difficult to live with. They are low risk-takers, often
high achievers, but are often afraid to step out of their comfort zones and
try new things.

Perfectionists fear failure so they often only tackle activities where they
are assured of success. Many first borns are perfectionists, particularly
first born boys. Many perfectionists are also procrastinators. They put off
tackling new activities until success is assured. The trouble is often the
conditions are never right so they continually put off activities.

For ideas to help perfectionists read my best-seller Why first borns rule the world and
last borns want to change it available at www.parentingideas.com.au . Find out about your own birth order personality.

Discipline is based on consistency and following through

Modern discipline is based on consistency rather than severity. Different tools are required to effectively discipline children in the 21st Century. Consequences have replaced punishment, recognition is more effective and cheaper than bribery and good use of langauge is essential. Parents too often resort to their voice when children are less than perfect. They tweak up the volume or just repeat themselves. This just produces parent-deaf kids. It is better to put a consequence in place as kids learn from action rather than our words.

Some things never change though. Kids love limits and boundaries and they like to push against them. So parents need a backbone, a thick skin and a good heart if they are going to teach children to behave properly and stay safe.

For more ideas about discipline visit www.parentingideas.com.au

Kids' pester power

Pester Power is possibly the biggest impediment to effective, confident parenting at the moment. Kids of all ages use a variety of strategies from nagging, whining and full-blown tantrums to emotional blackmail to persuade their parents to purchase all kinds of consummables from food through to clothing through to mobile phones.

Children are expertly targetted by savvy marketers to put pressure on their parents to buy, buy, buy. So what can a parent do when they meet with their children's pester tactics?

Try these ideas for size:

1. Say NO, be firm and disengage
2. Give children pocket money and invite them to buy or save for their own purchases
3. Differentiate between a need and a want. Children may want something but they don't necesarily need it.

Pester Power is hard to resist.

Visit www.parentingideas.com.au for ideas to combat kids' pester power